Wednesday, May 23, 2012

What's life about??!!!?

Lately I've been in social situations where I feel very inferior and "stupid" for lack of a better word. You see, never before in my life as a mom, have I been around so many different women/moms who either have never had kids, work while mothering, or have grown kids and now work, travel, volunteer. And lately most of my acquaintances fall within those characteristics. I love having diversity. But I wonder if they think my life is boring, or that I don't really have a personality or i  really am just probably making things up in my head about what they think of me. It's gotten me to really think, and really evaluate things. I've always LOVED being a mother and thrive on staying home with them. Since I quit working I've never had one inkling of a desire to go back. Sure days are long and hard, and I'm frustrated way more than I need to/should be. But I have no desire to be out of the house working for someone else. I know that God has called me to this lifestyle b/c he has given me the grace to do it, and the joy that can only come from him. This is something that Richard and I are convinced about - "that i, the mother, should stay with them and teach my young children, and guide them". It's what we feel is right for our family. (I know there are a million other situations and families so no judgement to anyone, juts strictly talking about for my family alone)

But more than ever within the last week I've felt like I have nothing to add to conversations, I've not had that many experiences or traveled to amazing places, or run a thousand races setting records, or gotten some sort of  fancy job that is good. A year ago, I would never have dreamed that these insecurities would be here, and now they are. I don't know what to do with them. It's weird! I in no way am saying that I want to change my life, or that I'm not happy, but I feel a little insecure lately when I say I just stay at home with my boys, or that we don't really do much besides parks, and daily normal activities. No gym membership or classes to go to, no toddler whatever class, no amazing trips. Just simple living in a tiny apartment with absolutely no amenities. I feel insecure and it's weird! I don't know what to do or say to people b/c I feel like I have nothing interesting to say about my days.

In talking with Richard about this new feeling that confused me he spoke words of wisdom! First of all - it's a lie that I haven't experienced much - I grew up overseas, I traveled on a soccer team, I have moved a bazillion times, I speak two languages and because of that have had great jobs and interesting jobs, I've just moved across the country with my family and thrived!  And besides that - I have a higher calling - I'm content in my life serving my God. Sure, Richard's job is not anything to write home about and really doesn't pay much so we live SUPER simply! But we are growing in seeing how God provides for us! we are happy, we are serving a church and God ultimately. We are striving daily to show others God's love and that completely satisfies us. We are raising children to hopefully one day understand about this God who loved them enough to send his only son to pay for their sins. I get the privilege of showing them that love through my love daily in the mundane! Our lives look boring to some - but we are satisfied and content! WE may not take these huge vacations or even do cool things - but we are a happy family desiring with all our heart to Love God and Love Others in everything we do!
And in this my friends - I find comfort
No matter what other's think of my life
no matter what insecurities I feel
I'm happy serving this Awesome God who 
called me to this job - motherhood.
I am blessed beyond measure! I have a great husband who 
provides and serves and loves his family, and follows God.

I pray that I will hold onto these truths and speak it to myself
when those insecure or feelings of non-importance try to creep in.

And then to top it all off - I get to see these smiling faces all day long!


Tim, Kristen , Megan, Emily, and Anna said...

And those smiling faces are super cute!! Jessica, you ministry is super important as you are investing your life in your kids!! Yes, it is long and hard at times, but such a wonderful opportunity to be able to do it!

Rebecca said...

Great post! I have been struging with this myself. I lost my job and am home because of that and more and more by choice. I had someone ask me the other day how I could just be home all the time after all that hard work and schooling to become a registered nurse. While I would like to work some, this is where God has me at this point in my life. Being a mom all the time can be so much harder than working. It is usually almost always mundane, but this does not make it any less important. We are contributing to society greatly by raising up well the next generation!

Michelle said...

I agree with Richard...100%!!! Thanks for sharing your heart, though. I'm sure it's hard...but you are starting to think "right" and that's a great start!! Just be you. You are hard not to love. You are a magnet, a light, an encourager, and a joy.

Trina Mayfield said...

Reading at the beginning, I thought right away, you're an adult MK, how can you think your life is boring?!! And then, you wrote it! You guys have such a busy, social life and you do so well serving people in your home (even when it's small)! I am amazed at how much you do!!!! So, put those insecurities aside and meditate on that contentment in your life!!! And, to make conversation, just ask the people about themselves - people love to talk about themselves anyway, and you can just be secure in knowing you are doing and being JUST what God wants you to do and be!!!

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