Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Weather - what can ya do?

I think in every state in the US people say "if you don't like the weather, just wait ten minutes it will change" or "typical "insert name of state here" 70's one day 20's the next". I think it's pretty much how every place in the United States is. I've lived and visited quite a few in my years and I promise everyone says that.

I grew up in Ecuador, on the equator and the weather was literally the exact same every day. During rainy season= sunny then storms in afternoon evening. During Dry season - sunny. Literally same thing every day! Perfect 70's during the day - and 50's at night. How can you complain? (but that was at 10,000 ft in altitude, down on the coast or jungle is another story)

All that to say - Literally Sunday afternoon Richard played golf and then Monday night we got a few inches of snow and Tuesday we were playing in the cold, white, fluff stuff.
But I refuse to say one of those cliche sayings about Colorado's weather. :)

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

January Pictures

I feel like I blinked and it's already the end of January - I think this month went faster than the holidays. All the holidays were over and poof so was January. I can't even think about what we did either.
After I recuperated from the holidays and got my house back in order and the company gone - I started watching a 6 month of Baby girl. I have her 4 days a week, 8 hrs a day. It's so fun having a baby around. She is pretty relaxed and easy going. She did take a little bit to get used to a new nap place and schedule but is doing well overall. And really the boys are such a big help and she loves being entertained by them. So I guess that has kept me busy getting used to a different routine.

The beginning of the  month started out very cold and freezing and we were cooped up inside for a long time (especially compared to normal). But now the temperature has warmed up to temps that we can spend some time outside during the day.

I love the stages my boys are in. (at least when things are going smoothly) They are crazy, rambunctious, full of energy, constantly moving and wrestling and jumping and not obeying what I say. But what can I say - I love it. Come Thursday night (the last day I have the baby) I am so tired! In fact I've shown up to life group completely exhausted and in tears practically the last few weeks. But when I am rested (at least a little) and refreshed and thinking clearly again - I don't want my boys to grow up.

They say the funniest things. Carson is so smart in his conniving and trying to talk you into things that he wants to do. It's so funny to see his mind spin and how he thinks. Landon is a total goof ball!!!

 He talks non stop (so now I have two talkers) and is potty-trained. Although he will have an accident here and there - he is doing really well. (In fact Sunday night at a friend's house he happened to have two!!!!!!) I cannot believe how ready he must've been b/c he got it so fast. And nothing is cuter than little boy's underwear and bare legs. :)

We have filled up our weeks with cleaning, child rearing, baby sitting, community living, running, getting involved in people's lives as much as we can. It is so true the saying for moms, "the days go by so slow, but the weeks or months fly by". Some days I feel like the day will never end and then all of the sudden it's the end of Jan.
So that's a little update from over here in Fort Collins and the Gardner Clan. Maybe February we will have more to write about.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Does Time Heal?

This is something I've contemplated a lot recently. I believe that Time does heal to an extent. Moving on (getting on with life and a schedule again), healing physically and being able to rest normally once again are all ways that the mind and body heal. But I do believe that nothing will take away the hurt or pain - it will dull but it will always hurt.
It's been three months since I received the news that I was losing my precious tiny baby inside me. All my hopes to share with everyone that we were going to have another child, the excitement I felt to grow our family and share the news with friends were dashed to the ground in the the saddest way.
No one can understand the feelings and emotions a mother goes through as she faces the reality that her body can not sustain her baby's life and God is choosing to glorify himself through taking this tiny baby back to him. It's something so personal that really only a mother experiences and so many other's do not have the capacity to understand. I didn't even understand at all when a few of my close friends/family experienced a miscarriage  There's no way to understand, and it's not anyone's fault. So many things in life are this way - it's just how it is. But that doesn't take away the fact that it is a lonely road for a mom who loses her baby so little.
Some days 3 months seems so long ago and other days 3 months feels like it was just yesterday and the pain and memories and emotions are so fresh and real. I wonder "how long will it be before I don't break down in tears when talking about it to other people, how long until it doesn't hurt my heart anymore". (btw- for anyone wondering - I don't mind crying in front of you - I don't mind you asking me and if you're ok with it - I probably will cry - but that's how I heal!)  Just about every Sunday in Church as we sing I am in tears still. I don't know why - mostly b/c it's emotional i guess. Singing about God's unfailing love for me, that he gave his son to die and take away my sins has a whole new meaning to me. Singing words of praise to Him and how glorious he is - all those types of songs just fill me with emotion and I cry every worship service. I, in a way, hope that doesn't go away. My eyes have been opened to a new level with my relationship with my God.
It's been 3 months and there have been many other friends announcing they are pregnant or have given birth to their babies in that time. I'm so happy for them - but my emotions go through roller coaster rides. I'm sincerely so happy and excited for them. But as they experience extreme joy and happiness - my extreme sadness and loss is emphasized and heightened to me. I'm "supposed" to be sharing in that joy and others are supposed to be happy for me - but instead -  my loss is not acknowledged and I feel extremely sad.
I can't help but see God's wondrous loving hand holding mine, walking with me through the trials. It's been extremely comforting to know that he understands my heart and to physically see that he has taken me through this road. He is the God of all Comfort - He endured the worst human suffering possible (death on a cross taking the sins of all people) so that he could understand human pain. He gives me strength to get through the days. He literally holds me as my heart hurts but I must congratulate that new mother and her baby, or that friend with a new life inside of her. He has literally empowered me with his Spirit - and I'm ok. I have made it through - b/c He loves me and holds me and gives me the strength.
So my friends - I'm doing well. I have rough days and I still cry pretty easily. But I have a great husband who loves me and I am loved by the King of the World who is redeeming everything to his kingdom. And I will strive to  keep my eyes set on HIM.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Computers! Who needs them anyways!!!

I feel like I posted a title like that about a car once? WE have the worst luck with cars and computers.
So yeah - remember when we had a computer and then it broke?!!? like 2 weeks before Christmas? Well we saved up all our christmas money. We had asked everyone for money instead of something b/c we wanted a new camera. Since we're still using this little thing that I got for graduation from College (or we used our phones, which means, we just used our phones for taking pictures, not the old camera. :) b/c the phones took better pictures than the camera did) Anyways - when our computer broke down very suddenly and unexpectedly we had to use all our christmas money towards a computer b/c that is more important in our minds.
So we asked people their advice and tried to research as much as we know how. We in no way had enough money for a MAC so we just go a regular computer. :) Literally the day we brought that new "lenova" home it started crashing and not working and freezing! I'm not even being dramatic or exaggerating. We kept trying to use it thinking it was just some fluke and maybe it would be fine. But after a week of it freezing every 5 min or restarting itself every 7 min we took it back and exchanged it for a Toshiba!  CRAZY HUH! So annoying.
I asked Richard - "what happens if this one is messed up too?" He said "I'm getting a MAC". So we'll see how long this one lasts.
For all you APPLE people out there! Yes we know we need a mac. Yes we know you think it's the best and no other way. WE just don't have that money at this time. So we chose a pc. and then have these issues. We make that choice and I guess we're ok with that.

Friday, January 11, 2013

10 Random Facts Friday

1. I really needed today. It seemed like a long tiring week and today I'm laying low on this cold day with they boys and recharging. It's amazing how emotional/stressed I get when I'm tired - and then with a little rest - I feel all better. Is anyone else like that?

2. I want to be careful to boast about my potty training endeavor b/c I in no way want to sound pious or that I'm great. My method, I'm fully aware and believe, will not work for every child or every mother. This is how I run my household and my children - and is not the "right" way to do it. I will gladly explain how we do it - but I don't think it's the best way. I'm a firm believer that each mother knows their child, knows when they're ready, and has a unique way to run their household.
But that being said - I'm pretty sure Landon is Potty-Trained and I'm super happy about that. It's a big milestone for moms to accomplish. Something I've dreaded the most so far in motherhood - and now I'm done with both my kids. :)

3. I got the flu shot for the boys. (Please this is not meant to be a debate about vaccines.) I did make sure there was no mercury in it for whatever that's worth. WE have been healthy so far this season (except for a small bout of sickness) and didn't really think about it - until I started talking to basically everyone (and reading the news) and I got all nervous and went and got the flu shot for them. Oh well

4. I'm thankful for the body of Christ and how we can encourage one another. Like I had a crappy week - and then I went to life group and was honest with them there about my week, and I felt deep love and concern and care by them for my heart! And that helped me so much

5. Richard and I had a rough week and by no means served each other well. But in the end - I can honestly say I'm thankful to take this ride of life together, to navigate through the rough, dry waters, and the highs and exciting things in life. And by the end of the week we're thankful for God's forgiveness and forgive each other and understand each other a tiny bit better than last week. :)

6. I am watching a 5 month old (almost 6 months) now 4 days a week, 8 hrs a day. I'm so thankful for this opportutity especially financially.  It will take a little while to adjust. I realize a LOT of moms do this with 3 or even more kiddos - so I know it's not too bad. But I do have to give myself some adjustment time in getting used to a routine, figuring out the little girl.

7. Broncos are seeded first in their division and going into the play-offs - that means we're in full BRONCOS mode around this household.

8. My boys love books. They will read book forever if you let them. In fact almost always I cut them off b/c I'm tired of reading books to them!!!! I should just sit down one day and read until they want to stop and see how long it goes. :) My boys may not know how to count, sit still for anything else, or know their letters -but they like to read. I'm banking on that being as beneficial as everyone tells me it will be.

9. I love cooking in the winter time. Baking, cooking meals, crockpots, you name it - I love it. Fall, winter, and some of spring is when I do all the cooking. I don't cook in the summer time. :)

10. Remember how I hate vacuuming  Well now we live in an apartment that has A LOT of carpet, (even in the dining room) - so I'm proud to say vacuuming is becoming more normal to me, I don't mind it as much and I'm just used to doing it all the time without complaining. Dusting - on the other hand, not there yet. :)

Have a great weekend everyone!!!!

Monday, January 7, 2013

Monday Musings

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I love this little plaque. It was given to us by our great group of friends in PA right before we moved our entire lives to CO with no job lined up. I love being reminded of it. And now looking back and seeing how our Faith has been strengthened through it.
Today is a good day. Officially all the holidays are over. We had guests for both Christmas and New Years, but they have all gone now, and my house is back in order.
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App
I'm writing today from our very own new computer. We are able to get both a new computer and a new camera b/c we got enough money for Christmas and also found a great deal on this computer.  I'm so thankful.  But don't ask me anything about it b/c Richard did all the research and knows all about it - I just blog. ha  Although it seems to have a few gliches we need to work out but I have no idea what it is I just hear Richard sighing in disgust as he's setting it up for two days straight! WE never seem to have good luck with cars or computers! No matter how careful, researched, or prepared we try to be. Anyways - we have a new computer and I will hopefully be back up to blogging again - with hopefully better pictures. :)
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Today I woke up determined to potty train Landon. He's been ready for a while, giving me all the signs. I just needed to buck up and do it. My method is complete immersion in the ordeal for two days straight. Hopefully it works for Landon like it did for Carson. So today has been filled with potty language (hehehe) snacks, juices and treats. So far so good. Being his mother I knew he was definitely ready for this endeavor.

This week I start babysitting a little baby. I only have her 2 days this week, but starting next week I will watch her 4 days a week for 8 hrs a day. It's a big endeavor and will probably affect my lifestyle a little. But I think overall with time it will work out just fine. I'm thankful for the extra income it will provide for our family. And I'm hoping it will just be like I have 3 kids now. She will go places with us and fit right into routine. (one of the reasons I need Landon to be potty trained this week is b/c otherwise I would have to wait a lot longer letting myself get adjusted to the new routines with another baby).

I feel like today is the day marking my new year. All the company is gone and settling into a new routine and schedule. I've been reminded throughout the entire day to Serve my family!
Not all days do I feel like this (so I need to capitalize on my positiveness today. :) ) - but maybe it's something about the new year and starting fresh. I really am so thankful I get to stay home and spend my whole day with these two boys taking care of my house.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Recap 2012 -One of my most Favorite Posts to Write

Here is my annual recap of the year. One picture for each month. It's hard to pick just one picture to describe the month - but I'm going to try. (I might cheat and put more in for some months :) ) it's so fun to look back through the year and just remember all the things that happened, that were accomplished - and blogging is a great way to enjoy it!

Last year I chose the word ENJOY! And I was determined to ENJOY everything about our new life/home/church/Richard's Job. I did enjoy the year - and here is a recap of it!

We didn't do much this month. It was hard to even find 
pictures to post. We played outside on warm days, I signed up for
my first half marathon ever! And we
made the best decision ever to put Landon
in Early childhood speech therapy - So I'll post a picture of him!

We didn't do anything too exciting this month either
But the highlight was spending a week in Grand Junction
with my Sister-in-law from Hawaii
and seeing the cousins have so much fun all week.
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This month was special celebrating my oldest son's 3 years.
We had a Dr. Suess "Green eggs and ham" 
Birthday Party that was so much fun. Along with a fun
St. Patty's day 5k race and parade. These were the highlights
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April was a fun month b/c 2 sets of friends from PA came to visit us. 
It was so fun to be able to reconnect with them.
My how we miss our old friends there.
But the highlight of the month for me
was running my first Half Marathon ever - and it
was a super hard one. And although I was a little dissappointed with my time
it was a big accomplishment for me
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

The big Highlight of this month was a our big trip to Wisconsin/Illinios
to see my brother graduate from College.
My whole family was together for it! (we hadn't all been together like that since January 2010, so it was a cherished time) And we had a good long week of traveling all over the midwest and enjoying our family time! (there's entirely too many
pics from that trip to just pick one!!!)
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We spent tons of time at the pool. But the big highlight of this month
was our surprise trip to PA to surprise the bride for her wedding.
The boys were ring bearers. I have so many pictures from this trip too
It was fun to be able to see our friends and also Richard's sister and
her family and see the boys reconnect again.
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

This month was spent with tons of time at the pool or out at parks - Like-Every-Single-Day!
But also my parents came for about 9 days, and my sister surprised me
and came with them. We had a fun filled week together. We did a lot from seeing the mountains, to petting zoos and coffee shops. It was awesome.
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

More time at the pool :)
More time with Grammie and Grampie as they stopped through.
And also our big Life group camping trip. That we've decided to make "annual"
It was so much fun!!! It was also first of hopefully many many
camping trips with the boys.
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

I'd have to say the highlight of this month was
Richard and I's getaway trip to Moab UT, camping/backpacking
plus hotel night for my  birthday. But Landon
also turned 2. :)
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

We had a fun trip to the Denver Zoo with some of Richard's side of the family.
And we also had a fun Halloween and the boys
really got into it and loved it.
But this month was also the month we found out we were pregnant
and also experienced the extreme grief of losing our baby in a miscarriage
It was an extremely hard month for me with much sorrow. 
And also a month that changed me forever.
I have sensed God's love for me and grace towards me
in ways unexplainable and for that I am grateful
and I did ENJOY my God more than ever even through the difficulties.
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

I think it's safe to say the highlight of this month was once again
another huge trip to see my family.
We took a big trip to Boston and again my entire family got to be together for a few days. So many pictures again. I'll trip to keep it to one. :)
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This was a pretty fun/low key month for me. We got back from our big trip
and jumped right into holiday traditions and busyness. The
boys really loved everything and got excited 
about it all and it was really fun. We got to spend
Christmas with Richard's parents who came to our house. That was 
so special for us! We got to go sledding on
Christmas day which is the perfect activity for Christmas Day I think.
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So now - looking forward to the year ahead! What word do I choose? There are so many! But according to my last post that I wrote and resolutions, I've decided to choose the word "SERVE". I want this year to be marked one of Service! 
Service to MY LORD!
Service to MY Husband
Service to MY Children
Service to MY Church
Service to MY friends
Service to MY Community

I want the Lord to help me, and give me strength and Grace to deny myself and my own desires and to give of myself in order to help others, in any way. I pray that as I move forward I will capitalize on opportunities to do this. I'm excited to think about the year ahead and it will be fun to look back throughout the year on the circumstances that came about with SERVING others!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


I've been thinking a lot just the last couple days about the year ending and the new year ahead.  Now is a time when tons of people do a lot of reflecting and goal setting.
Last year I chose the word ENJOY and I made a decision to "enjoy" the year. Each little thing. I used the word here and there in my blog. I can honestly say that I did enjoy the last year. We have had a full year of all the seasons here in Colorado. Relationships are deeper in our church and our community. I have friends here that I can call/text anytime. And that is a great feeling. WE are at home in the church and in the City of Fort Collins. We had exciting things happen - like seeing lots of both sides of family and taking a few big major trips that were not planned. Training for a difficult half marathon and completing it! I was in charge of the Children's Ministry the entire year and we have grown by leaps and bounds which is great, but added it's challenges.  Seeing God provide for our family in amazing ways in a year that we made the least money - but we can honestly say have received the most blessing from our Father. Getting pregnant and the excitement that comes with that - but then experiencing deep grief and sorrow unlike anything I've experienced. The loneliness of a miscarriage and the heartbreak -but at the same time the immense love of my Father and the pouring out of Grace in my life. Wow! I can't wait to write an official recap of the year. :) Now I'm excited about it.  I think that honestly ENJOYING life was a good word for me. I needed to enjoy my new life in Fort Collins, and the new church - and I truly did!
Looking back at my year ahead last January - I never would've dreamed of the highs and lows I would've faced throughout the year. And maybe that's why I'm a little hesitant to set any goals this year or have very many expectations of what will happen. I haven't chosen a word for the year 2013 either but stay tuned - I'll come up with one.
I keep thinking - I can try to lose about 5lbs. Or maybe another marathon and beat my time. or start some other yoga. Or start knitting more, or reading more books, or organize more.  But to be completely honest with you - I don't want to set any goals like that - I truly just want to have a baby. And b/c I'm afraid to get my expectations up - I just don't make any resolutions. I will wait and be patient and see what God has for our family. I am determined to enjoy my family as it is. To really appreciate them and not wish for something else.  Selflessly serving, without complaining, or expecting appreciation. Giving of myself without reservations. That is what I will focus on doing. B/c let's just be honest here - I am not like that at all but God has really been convicting me lately of my selfishness in the area of my family.  I want to joyfully serve my family, without complaint.
So in looking to the new year ahead - I wonder what will happen to us. I wonder what fun things we will get to do, what friends lives will go through, what areas to serve in will be presented to me. What joys I will experience or what sadness will happen.
Ultimately - I am resting in a truly loving God to carry me through the year, meanwhile selflessly and unabashedly giving of myself for my family.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Years Party-ing it up!!!

We really had a great time this New Years eve! My parents came about 2pm in the afternoon. And the boys were so happy to see them.
We had a great end of the year dinner in Old Town at a place called "ingredient". It was good food!!!!
Fort Collins does a thing called First Night. First Night is very family friendly with lots of things to do. It runs from 6pm to 10:30 and all over old town are 1/2 hour shows in all different venues to go see. We saw the featured event first - Popovich comedy pet show! It was so good. And really kept the boys entertained too! We had a good time there.  We parked right on the main street and I didn't want to lose that great parking spot. So we decided to walk to all the different places. But it turned out that we probably walked about 2 miles total - which doesn't sound like much but it was between 10-15 degrees out the whole time!!! FREEZING! We were regretting a little bit- not having a stroller and being so late at night. It was really fun and the shows were much better than my expectations of them. So that's a good thing.
We stayed out all the way until 10:30 when we were supposed to see some fireworks. But supposedly they had set the few fireworks off early and then didn't have enough at the right time. So every one was congregated right in old town - but eventually the police men went around and told everyone that they weren't going to happen. WEIRD! How does that happen? Oh well - we still enjoyed a good night.
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Today I got up early and went for a run with some of my good friends on a very cold morning. :) Then came home and made a great breakfast for us all. And now working on hopefully a good dinner.. Bread with dipping oil, cesar salad with homemade dressing and an amazing pasta dish with artichoke, pesto and roasted red peppers and garlic. Then homemade caramel apple cheesecake bars. Don't you wish you were here? :) It's been a good first day of the new year!
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Terrible picture - but you get the idea, ha
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App
Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App
I'm hoping to have a recap post about 2012 - but it might have to wait until we get our computer situation worked out so that I can get to all my pictures from the year - otherwise it will take a while going through fb pics and uploading them to photobucket then onto here. But we'll see. :) Stay tuned :)

Homemade Caramels

Every year, growing up, my family made homemade caramels during the Christmas season. We only made them during the holiday season and it was something we all looked forward to. We would make at least one, usually two batches a year, and always gave them out to people and enjoyed our fair share ourselves.
Since we've been married I've made it every year too and now it's fun to have the boys help me stir it. It does require quite a bit of stirring - but in my adult years it doesn't seem quite as long. hehehe
Some of you asked for the recipe so here it is. It's amazing!!!!! you have to make it.

Homemade Caramels
1 cup of Butter
2 cups of white sugar
2 cups of light corn syrup
2 cans of sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup of flour
1 tsp of vanilla

Melt the butter, then add the sugar and corn syrup. Bring to a boil and boil for 5 minutes over medium heat. 
Add 1 and half cans of the sweetened conds. milk. Mix the flour into the other half can of cond. milk then add also. 
Boil that until it reaches 240 degrees. This is always tricky. We never had a thermometer so the test we used - drizzle a little bit into a cup of cold water. If it forms a medium hard ball once it's cooled in the water it is ready. This is the only tricky part of the process. If it cooks too long the caramels will be very hard. And if you don't cook it long enough it will be too chewy to eat. So it's a skill getting the caramel just right. :)
Turn off heat when reaches 240 degrees and add the tsp of vanilla in. Stir thoroughly then pour out into a regular size cookie sheet that is heavily greased (make sure to grease it well b/c the caramels will stick to it)
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It's fun to make b/c it's always a guessing game whether it's ready or not and hoping that it will turn out. I think most years growing up we would make one batch that wasn't quite right but the second we would nail. :) Every year I've made it in my adult life I've gotten it just right - until this year. :( It was too hard and I actually made a whole new batch b/c I hope to give it away to neighbors. This was also the year I had the boys help me the most and maybe that was the issue - that's right - I'll just blame it on them. :)

Meditations on Motherhood

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Look at these two cuties!!! I am so amazed that I get to spend every day with them. I love seeing their personalities develop. Their relationship between them is growing and they are pretty much inseparable.

Landon has this way of grabbing you around the neck and giving me the BEST hug I've ever received and he loves to just hold me like that. If you're carrying him he will grab you around the neck too - and it literally melts my heart every time! I love the way he grabs by face to get the perfect place on my cheek to kiss!

I love when Carson wakes up from his nap and just wants to sit on your lap for 15-20 min. Just sitting there cuddling.  He will even ask to cuddle on the couch after naptime if I forget to. I never want to forget that!

I might've said this before - but my boys are at an age right now that I just want them to stop growing up. I've always looked to the next phase or stage - but the next phase scares me and I don't want to face it! SCHOOLING! YIKES! I want my boys to stay here, little, forever! :) I don't want to send them off to the world. But I guess that's life. I can protect them and I control everything about their lives right now. Soon it won't be like that. But I guess i also need to realize there are other benefits to kids growing up. :)

Days are not always easy. Landon still doesn't obey anything I say but he's always happy so I don't even realize he is disobeying. Carson throws many fits still. I still respond very sinfully to them and my patience runs on empty most of the day (it seems anyways). But I read something another blogger mom said - and it's so true. Go read her post about it here! "my kids give me grace like i need to give grace. they love me even when i mess up, when i shout, when i just plain don't mother well at well. they are quick to forgive, quick to kiss me again, and quick to act like i never even messed up. i can learn so much from these little souls. "
I pretty much wish that I wrote that blog post - b/c that's what I'm really trying to say here. ha
Any ways - all I'm trying to say is - although days seems so trying-of-my-patience and I feel like I can't handle filling up one more sippy cup, or one more toy broken on purpose, or one more crying fit or whine - These children and days are gifts to me! I am blessed beyond measure and I don't want to forget these days!
That's all I'm trying to say :)
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