Tuesday, April 30, 2013

A little Lost????

Yikes! I cannot believe it's been over 3 weeks since my last post. I don't know if I've ever gone that long since I started blogging! CRAZY! Did you think I was lost???!?!
Life is just whizzing by I guess.

I'm now officially 12 weeks! And what a nice milestone to make it to. I am noticing a huge improvement in my appetite and nausea! For which I think we all are thankful, maybe especially Richard. :)

This whole last 6 months or more have been a big whirlwind of emotions, loneliness, highs and lows, guilt for getting pregnant easier than others I know, and everything in between
When I announced last that I was pregnant we could not be more thankful and excited. But with that came a ton of fears. This has been a big long process for me. A process of trusting God that He is good no matter what happens, of fully relying on him. We had our first normal O/B appointment last week and that was not without it's "drama". I know it's common to not be able to find the heartbeat at 11 1/2 weeks, but that was my worst nightmare. Thankfully the ultrasound proved that everything is just fine. But it was another emotional battle for me - trusting God that He is good and is holding me, giving me strength.

 There have been a few dark days in this first trimester.  Fighting fear along with extreme exhaustion, nausea, weird appetite and snow/cold, and my two boys and another baby I watched - resulted in a lot of dark sinful, selfish moments for me, sadly enough. And all of this is probably the reason for my lack of keeping up on this blog.
Excuse the terrible picture. My 4 yr old took it. It was a little
hard to edit to get this good. :)
But here I am at 12 weeks.
Bigger each time! ha

But this last weekend I noticed a change. I started feeling better which has really given me new vitality and a whole new readiness to face this world. To face these days raising my two boys. To face head on the responsibility I have with them and my house and my husband. To beg for forgiveness for not trusting God and relying on his strength and his goodness. I have seen an ulgy side of me and I don't want to go back there. But I'm thankful that God loves me and forgives me and gives me another chance to rely on him.

So here's to maybe a new start in blogging. And hopefully a new start to viewing my days and the world. Relying on God's strength and trusting him!


doddyj said...

Jess, I so appreciate your vulnerability on your blog. I love to read about what's going on, especially because I can connect so well to the emotions you struggle through. Thanks for being honest.

Bryan said...

Love how you are so willing to share, grow, and see your faults. I love you for that! I'm praying for you and so glad to hear your on the up. Growing a baby is hard work. Love you, Jess!!!

Trina Mayfield said...

I love following you on here - and seeing how you are growing and learning! Thanks for your candidness with us! LOVE YOU!

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