Carson

Wow - It's been a while . . . But that's for a different day. Life has been fuller than full. I haven't blogged very much for  various reason one not being lack of things to write about. But I hope to get back asap!!!

Tonight I'm writing to honor my sweet firstborn, Carson!!!

Tomorrow March 23rd at 4:20 pm he will turn 5 years old!!!!!

There is so much to say about this guy. There is something very unique in the relationship with your firstborn, the child that made you a mother, the oldest in the family. My life was completely changed as most mothers can attest. No longer was my life or heart my own. My heart loved in a way I didn't know possible. I questioned myself more than ever before. I experienced fear of losing this tiny person and I was totally taken off guard by the worry that overtook my thoughts. Tired doesn't even describe the way those first few months were, and I was wondering if I would ever "live" again. But at the same time that joy and love grows so much its indescribable. He made me realize I don't know everything. I have learned to give a huge bucket of Grace to moms, to support moms, and to show love and concern for moms b/c it's a hard road and we need to help each other, not judge. Being his mother has taught me that!

Carson has always been extreme. I have said since the beginning - he is extremely happy, or he is extremely sad, mad, tired etc, never complacent. What I love about him and what I try to nurture and encourage is his love for people. He is so friendly and so caring and thoughtful. He is aware of those around him. He has tons of friends and loves being social. Through the years I've seen this grow and grow. Every day he learns more self control of his emotions and actions. Every day I see that little tender heart soften more and more to the gospel and what Jesus did for him. Every day he talks about his friends. He is a leader and people follow him. His laugh is still so contagious. I've always said "when he walks in the room smiling, the whole room lights up". He will make you feel like his most special person when you're with him. He is active and coordinated and always full of life and energy.

Something he told me today about his party (that is tomorrrow by the way) - "I want to invite the whole city!!!" That's how much he is a people person. We're having a huge, but very low key, party for him tomorrow. He kept asking if more and more people are coming. He just loves to hang with all his friends.

It is a joy, privelege, and gift to be called his mother. 

It was so fun to look through all the pictures of him. There was so many to choose from and so many good ones. He is such a joy to our family and we are so excited to celebrate his life tomorrow and thank God for giving us this gift!!!!

Kindergarten Orientation!

Last week started a whole new era for the Gardner Clan! Our first born, Carson, had orientation for kindergarten. We have decided to send him to the local neighborhood public school for now. (we plan to always be evaluating our children, the school and situations surrounding their whole schooling and we are willing to change if necessary).
Deciding what to do for schooling for my children has always been really overwhelming to me. It seems like a huge unknown world to me full of many choices and strong opinions by people. (I don't do well when other people have really strong educated opinions and I don't).
We chose our local public school for many reasons. I am happy to comment on them, but don't want this post to be about that.
I want to capture for remembrance sake the feelings that I have experienced lately with this new transition, that I'm sure as we get closer to the fall will only get more intense.

First of all, the Parent Orientation night was so helpful and good. We loved hearing from the Principal and she "impressed" us with how she presented things.
I am mostly so excited for this new season. Watching Carson walk into that room to play with other new kindergartners and their teachers while we went to the presentation was so emotional. (ha, I know, its not even school year yet). Watching him walk in confidently and excitedly and very competent made my heart skip a beat. I mean isn't that what I've been doing for almost 5 years now. Preparing him to be a confident person but also humble, who is capable of interacting with other children and other adults.
My fear as a first time kindergartner mom, who never sent her kids to day care or preschool was that my child wouldn't understand what's happening and going on in the day and that he would get lost in the shuffle of tons of kids who already know what to expect. I mean lets face it - I've been the biggest part, probably all but 5 days of his entire life!!!!!! I know every minute detail about this child. What makes him laugh, what makes him cry, and what sets off his sensory fits and how to calm him down. In the principal's talk she was very good at calming those fears and verbalizing how much they understand about 5 year old children and how much the 5 year olds need to learn about school and that they really work with them. I was afraid he wouldn't understand it's time to eat his lunch without me telling him and then be starving all day. But there was a lot of little things like that the principal really made me feel better about.
I was so excited about hearing things that he will learn this first year about our world, and mostly that it's not completely up to me to teach him about the world, math concepts, and how to write sentences. Because I'll just be honest - that really overwhelms me and I have no idea how to help him learn that best.
I think he will thrive in that social setting and that learning will be so fun for him.
I sat in that room trying to hold back tears listening to how his first few months of school will be and I felt sad and really happy at the same time. Excited and Nervous. Ready and completely not ready.
Carson has never been into learning his letters. But looking at the check lists of things they "should know" before kindergarten made me feel so much better. He is pretty much where the average kid is his age and he will do awesome.
I can't believe that my first baby is getting ready to head to Kindergarten, where he will have many friends, have a kind teacher, learn how to write his name and the world his lives in. As we walked back to the classroom to pick him up mostly what I felt was EXCITED! I can't wait for this new phase of life to begin.

Dedicated to my mother for her Birthday

January 14th is my mom's birthday and I wanted to 

write a little something about her.

Mum, I look up to you so much. In the years that I have become a mother

I have learned how much you sacrificed.

I realize how much you laid down your life for your family, without recognition.

You left the comfort of your home and surroundings, you gave up everything

to live in a country where you knew no one, and couldn't speak to anyone. And you served your

husband and children beyond measure and without complaint. I don't know how you did it - leaving your friends and being so isolated in a country with three small children. And you

raised us with love beyond measure. I never heard you complain about

missing the States. I never heard you complain about the loneliness I know you felt.

I watched you serve others, trust God through many difficulties that most people can't even fathom and you did so with such faith and trust in God. 

You taught what it meant to believe in the God of Salvation. You lived out the gospel

daily and taught us that we were sinners, needing a savior. And 

taught us to live life the seeks to know a God who loves us.

You taught us to trust Him in all times no matter the circumstance and to not let circumstances

determine our actions towards others, that it's always right to treat others with 

respect and love, no matter what!

You continue to bless our family and sacrifice for us.

Helping us financially and with your time. You bless your grandchildren

and make them feel special all while sacrificing your own time and finances.

Now that I'm an adult and realize the seriousness of life and the difficulties

I realize and recognize how much Faith and Love and Trust it took to live

a life of honesty, humbleness and service.

I realize how blessed I am to be loved by you. How blessed I am that

God placed me in your life as your daughter.

I hope today on your birthday you realize how much I love you, how much 

I appreciate you, and how much I recognize what you did for me.

And I admire you, look up to and only hope to be able be the

mother you were to me.

Happy Birthday Mum.

I Love You!

 

Beginning of the year thoughts

I've been thinking a lot lately about how to make the most of life, enjoy the little things. Life for us just keeps getting busier and I don't see it slowing down any in the future. And I feel as though my life is fleeting away and I'm "missing" it.

From June-November of 2013 we have had a series of BIG things happen. Richard was promoted to a manager position at work which brought a lot of added stress. We moved to a different apartment. Richard was made a lay elder at our church, The Crossing. And we added a third boy to our clan. I'd say in 6 months time that's a lot of transition.

I feel like I've been in a weird season. I don't think I can describe late pregnancy and early newborn stage effectively. My body and hormones have gone through many changes and are still changing. My sleep patterns have been completely altered and energy level shows it. Basically I've been trying to just "get through" each day. Get as much accomplished as I can, clean and maintain as much as I can but not having very many expectations. Maintain my boy's behavior and try to survive as best I can as far as entertaining them goes. But I haven't really been "present" for them. I've made excuses for myself.

But I'm tired of living like this. Maybe it's the new year, maybe it's the thought that Carson goes off to Kindergarten this fall and wondering if I've done enough, maybe it's the "starting to feel semi-normal" that's occurring in my body, maybe it's the thought that Peyton is my last baby - but I need to break out of this daily cycle and realign my purpose as a mother, child of the King.

There is LIFE to start! Activities to plan for church and life group, watching the little girl again, figuring out registration for Carson, a race to train for, weight to lose, and getting my newborn baby past the newborn stage in every sense of the word! (if you know what I mean!!!)

Life is busy! Life is tiring! and Life is stressful!  And we are still trying to figure out what all these new changes will look like for our family. We are still trying to get our house organized, figure out our new baby, and figure out responsibilities at church.

But in the midst of all of LIFE - there is the beautiful. The children who have a secret to tell you right this very minute of "I love you!" Full of cuddles and hugs with warm blankets on the couch. The hug from your husband who has worked a stressful day but comes home to help with the kiddos. The first smiles and coos from the baby, watching them learn to roll over. Beautiful is watching your newborn be calmed down in your arms laying against your chest.
So I choose to show up every day. A midst the tiredness and feelings of "I have no idea what I'm doing and if I'm doing enough" I choose to claim God's truth. He loves me unconditionally, he gives me hope, he is making me new and gives me a fresh start. Step out of the "funk" and really be there. Take time with the boys and do activities. Teach Carson as best I know how the skills needed for kindergarten. I need to really slow down and concentrate on the little moments. Be thankful for them. And really trust the God, who created the heavens, to care enough about me, my strength and family that he will carry me through. That he gives me exactly the rest that I need for that day whether it's the amount I want or not, and I can trust Him and rely on Him. Rest in him that already knows what 2014 will look like for me.

Life is fleeting by! and I want to live shining Christ through the mundane. I want my boys to see God's love in the daily things and it's my responsibility to show them that. I want to enjoy the moments. I want to GIVE of myself daily to my husband, my boys, and my community without reservations fully trusting my care to God who promises to keep me and who loves me.

Year 2013 in Review

I've been doing this kind of post for 3 years now and it's one of my favorite posts to write. (the other two can be found here and here) I love going back and reminiscing about the year and being reminded of what we did and what happened. But it is really hard to keep it to one picture for the month. This year I really notice how my boys have changed. People keep telling me, but looking back I can really see it. The two oldest boys went from being toddlers to little boys! I can't believe how much they've grown. It was also a year marked by lots of change.

January

This month was boring. The biggest thing that happened was I started

watching a baby 4 days a week. She fit right in and we loved her. But it took me all month to adjust to a new routine.

February

We celebrated Valentines day with heart quesadillas, breakfast out, and a date night

We went from  beautiful weather to snow and sledding. This picture

cracks me up from that month.

March

This one I chose 2 pictures. Our firstborn turned 4!!!! And we took a family Easter Picture. 

We also found out we were pregnant with our 4th baby (3rd living one) so that was exciting, but

I was sick the whole month.

April

This month is only marked by a wonderful trip to MN. 

My younger sister and her family was "commissioned" to head as missionaries

to serve in Spain. All original 6 Mayfields were able to be together

and we had a great time. So thankful for being able to take this trip

May

In May we celebrated Mother's day and Memorial Day

This picture is from Boulder on Memorial Day. I've wanted to go for a while

and this year we finally made it. Maybe one day I'll actually run in the big race there!

June

The boys learned how to fly a kite! We also were able to spend a long weekend

in the mountains with our Life group at a cabin! This group of people

have become like family to us. We are so thankful for them and blessed by them.

It's cool to see that "Community", the way God intended us to live, 

really does bless us, challenge us and draw us close to Him.

Richard and I were also able to get away for a night to reflect

on our precious baby that we lost at the end of the year. June 13th marked the

due date I had and it was really nice to be able to get away during that time.

This also marked the month when Richard got promoted at work to Project Manager.

Which you would think would be a good thing, but has been

stressful, and not a lot in return. But hey, trying to not focus on the negative.

July

We were able to take a really fun camping trip with Family this month. We drove over the mountains and camped with cousins and grandparents. It was REALLY fun. 

The boys went fishing with Grandpa, saw 2 bears, and ran around endlessly in the woods. They got super dirty and ate only junk food. And they were in heaven. :) 

p.s. I also chopped my hair off for the first time in my life. YIKES!

August

I had to put two pictures on here as well. B/c we did two exciting things this month. We

Spontaneously made it to a Broncos scrimmage at the stadium

with the boys. And although it got rained out (hail, wind, and rain) we had a really

fun time as a family and it was cool to do that with the boys.

We also took a camping trip with our Life group! It was so much fun once again to spend

time together with them. We love camping!!!

September

(ok, so maybe 2 pictures per month would be appropriate :) )

This month started out with a big move to a different condo in town. I a was like 32 weeks pregnant or something so as you can imagine - not the most fun. But very very thankful for this new place to call our home. It suits us much better.

Also our middle son turned 3!!!!

And on that same day we were prayed over to become a pastor of our church. There is so much to say about this. But I don't know how to quite say it. we are blessed beyond measure

by this church body. We have grown so much and our desire is to be helping in this way. It was

a huge answer to God's calling on our lives. We are still trying to figure out

what it looks like to be bi-vocational and how we will function and what our responsibilities

will officially be, but we are so thrilled with this.

The rest of the month I basically tried to survive and unpack our house!

October

This month was survival. The end of my pregnancy was rough and hard on me. I had a lot of uncomfortableness, tiredness, and pain. I had two showers for my baby which we were totally blessed by. We visited the Zoo (which turns out to be a yearly October thing for us to do). My mom came at the end of the month, and we had fun with a transformer and wolverine for

Halloween. 

November

This month was clearly marked by introducing our 3rd boy into the world.

Peyton was born on November 6th and everything after that is a blur. :) 

The boys love him to death and he fits right into our family.

We had a quiet thanksgiving weekend. But other than that we just tried to figure out life as a family of 5. Richard and I also celebrated our 7th wedding Anniversary! 

December

Honestly I don't really know what happened this month. It flew by. We celebrated Christmas early as our own family entity for the first time ever. That was wonderful and simple and so sweet. 

We also traveled to Grand Junction for a big Christmas celebration and a family wedding. 

Richard also preached this month which is always "all-consuming". So we made it to the end of the year.

My word for this past year was "SERVE". As I look back on the year I can't say I did this well. In the last 6 months Richard has received a lot of responsibility outside the home with work and church. Which has in a way "forced" me to serve my husband and family in many more ways that sometimes I don't feel I can handle or always have the best attitude. Most of the year I felt physically weak and tired (from pregnancy) which deterred me from serving much outside my home!

So in looking to this new year the word I have prayed about and chosen is "GIVE". I want to give unconditionally. I want to NOT hold back. Give of my time, my energy, my resources and my possessions. Give to my children, give to my husband, my friends, my neighbors, my church. Give unreservedly, how Christ gave to us. Give knowing I leave this earth with nothing. Give knowing all I have (energy, time, possessions) all are a gift to me, I don't deserve them. 

I can't wait to see what this new year brings.

How our lives will change. This past year (really only 6 months)

was filled with many changes, housing, job responsibility,

new child, and church/pastor. What will this

new year bring???!!!?!

We have made it to the coveted 6 Week Mark!!!!

I always tell new moms (trying to be an encouragement) to just make it to the 6 weeks mark and things will seem so much easier and better! It was something I have had to remind myself of lately too. And you know what! I still think it's true. I feel so much more myself now, we are settling into a routine, and I feel like going out for errands or play dates or responsibilities isn't so overwhelming and tiring. My new goal to make it to is 3 months!!! Half way there!!

I have put down all expectations for anything this Christmas season. I have tried to simply enjoy being SIMPLE - we barely got a tree up or Christmas cards ordered and mailed out. And you know what? -I'm totally fine with that. My goal is to Enjoy my bigger family and not put pressure on myself and let the boys enjoy simple things about the season. B/c we all know next year at this time will be totally different and I will be able to accomplish a lot more with more energy. I tried making homemade caramels this year! Something I've done every year of my entire life!!!! Something that in 7 years of marriage I have never messed up. And this year - I can't believe it but I must admit that I tried it 3 times and every time I messed it up!!! It's a delicate process but something I prided myself in mastering! Now I can no longer say that and cannot believe I wasted all those ingredients and time!!!! I'll chalk it up to having a newborn! That's it for my traditions this year. Now concentrate on wrapping presents - I hope I don't mess that up!

Things here at home are really starting to become enjoyable. I feel so much better and capable of handling life. :) Peyton has truly been a joy to our family. He is as easy as newborns can be and we all adore him. I am truly thankful for this little life. Since my last post we have started experiencing his smiles which is the best part of a newborn.

Watching his face light up with pure joy in seeing our faces. It only gets better from here on out. He is growing tons.

Life has been really busy around here with responsibilities to fulfill and every day life. (especially for Richard, which in turn makes me busier to keep up with more around the house) But we are a few days away from Christmas vacation and fun trip with family. We will make it. I'm happy to be able to say now that I'm excited about celebrating this simple Christmas with my family of boys.

Merry Christmas to you all!!!!