Musings from our First Month as Family of 5

I wanted to write a tiny update on our first month as a family of 5.
My labor was everything a labor should be, but in my experience rarely is. I labored at home for a good part of it, in fact all the beginning labor.  I only had to be in the hospital laboring for about 5 hrs which is very ideal. And despite my pleadings for a c-section to end it all or my begging for an epidural I managed to push him out with no medication. Richard kept telling me during the labor that I would feel so much better without that stuff. And he was right. Although if labor lasted any longer I don't know that I would've agreed with him. Nothing can describe the feeling of pushing a baby out and your wonderful baby being placed on you immediately for you to ENJOY!!!! and for as much time as you like. (You see I never experienced this with my other two children). That moment that you have with your baby and your husband is magical and indescribable.
Peyton is truly my gift from God. I know that about my other two - but after the last 2 years I understand and really "KNOW" that Peyton is exactly who God chose for our family and for me as my son!!!!!! and we love him to pieces

Our first month as a family of 5 has been really good. My mom was here for 2 and half weeks with baby Peyton, a blessing I do not take likely or for granted. She helped us out so much in so many areas. After she left we had Thanksgiving to enjoy and revel in a slow weekend as a family adjusting to things. Life is busy for everyone and we are no exception. The other older boys love him to death and really the adjustment to 3 has not been too difficult. Peyton seem to just fit right into the chaos and noise.

There is one thing that I've hesitated sharing here b/c I don't want to be labeled or start a debate or be judged (quite frankly) But I want to remember what affected me most this past month. My perspective really has changed regarding expectations and decisions we make and judgments made about others. You see - Peyton was not thriving with my breastmilk and despite doing everything I knew how to do he was losing weight. (and yes, I felt like I tried everything) I had to make a very hard decision and put him on formula and I have stopped nursing all together. It was hard b/c I was able to nurse my other two boys just fine (it's never come easy, but my babies have always thrived with it) and I believe breastmilk is better for my child. And before you make judgments in your head or in the comment section let me just remind you that you don't know what all is behind my decision and I truly am trying to do what is best for my children.
You see God has taught me more than I can even begin to type here in this blog post. I have experienced an array of things when it comes to child-bearing. I have had an emergency c-section. I have experienced a preemie baby and the "joys" of a NICU stay, not being able to hold your baby, or feed your baby for days and leaving the hospital without your baby. I have gone through the terribly horrifying news that my baby died inside my body and God chose to take my baby before I got to meet him/her. I have also experienced the wonderful joy of a "perfect" labor and delivery peaceful and calm. I have nursed two perfectly healthy babies and also had the stress and helplessness of not being able to provide what your baby needs and then giving him formula. Now I'm not saying I have been through it all, or that I understand everyone's situations or emotions, or even come remotely close to knowing everything - I'm saying quite the opposite. These few experiences have taught me that we are not in control of life. That God is directing each of our lives even in these things. Some things for people go so smoothly and how they want -others have to face reality that "ideal" isn't very common. And the thing I have learned most in my measly 4 1/2 yrs of motherhood is that motherhood is hard and confusing and very intricate. We are trying our best in our situation at that stage of life to chose and do what is best for our family b/c we love them more than words can say and more than we ever imagined possible. We don't know other's situations/emotions or everything that played into how their life is - so we cannot judge. Let's instead encourage and uplift each other even in all of our differences and variations of this whole thing called LIFE!