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Thursday, October 18, 2012

update

Tonight I'm sad. There's no other way to describe it.
Had blood work done and confirmed what we already knew. Hormone levels were lower than 48 hrs before and dropping pretty steadily. It was nice to get a definitive answer. It's sort of a closure to that part of it.
I'm processing it all.
Nothing is easy about this.
But writing, sharing, talking all helps me work through it.
Everyone processes things differently and no one should place the way they do it as an expectation on you. I have been blown away by the compassion and honesty I have received of other mothers full of help and wisdom during this process.

I have felt very supported throughout all this. Many texts and messages all day long with encouragement and sympathy. That is what helps me heal.
God has completely blessed me with wonderful signs of love through this experience. A wonderful husband, my parents in the states so i can call them often, many people helping with the boys, and reading raw emotion messages and texts from me as I feel different things. Wonderful sisters who let me say anything to them and don't judge me. I have never doubted God's love, and his comfort and care throughout this whole thing. And truly that is only from the LORD. He has protected me from thoughts of doubt and bitterness. That can only come from him. I know many many people are praying for me - even more than I realize probably.

This is not a fun thing to go through, it's not an easy thing in any way. It's hard, tiring, and full of emotions and ups and downs.
But one thing I know - God is constant, He is faithful. I thank him for carrying me through this in a way that can only be explained by a loving God.

I'm sure as I work through this and time passes I will experience many more things. But I'm resting in my loving God's arms and in a community of family and fellow believers who uphold me in prayer.

And here is a picture of my wonderful family, for whom I have never been so thankful for in my life.


4 comments:

Tonya said...

First-I'm sorry you're going through this. I am also so moved by your words and strength in God. I'm sure your story and your honesty is blessing so many. God bless you and your family.

Second, that is a beautiful picture!!!! I really wish I had more family pictures taken...you have definitely inspired me to do so.

Sherry Reese said...

My heart breaks for you. I haven't been through this situation, but I know how devastating it must be no matter how far along you are to find that a child you have already loved and hoped for is not going to make it into your arms. I pray that God comforts you through this difficult time. God bless you and your sweet family!

pgh moms said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. No words can make anything better, only the comfort of Scripture and our great God brings us hope of a brighter future. I hope God brings that healing & peace and another little one in his perfect timing. Beautiful family, btw!

Trina Mayfield said...

I love your emphasis on God and His love and grace in your life! The Lord is good all the time and His grace is sufficient for whatever we go through!

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