Yesterday marked the 2 month mark since my tiny baby went to Heaven.
My heart is healing and I'm having more good days than bad days, for which I am very thankful.
Facing this holiday season is a little bitter sweet to me. The excitement that I had for a few weeks with looking forward to being pregnant during this season and the hope that we had for our family is no longer there and in it's place is extreme grief and sorrow. But God is faithful. He is holding me close, caring for my soul. and I will praise him during this season. I will cherish the moments with my family and my two beautiful boys and wonderful husband. I will thank Him for giving up his Son to be born into this world to provide a way for us to be reconciled to himself.
The people around me move on and I will remember forever. Life goes on and I am figuring out my new normal and how to handle these new emotions that pop up. Many people in our church are pregnant now and I would've been pregnant with them all, sharing in their excitement of new life being formed. Many babies around me are being born and there is such joy in this - but in my heart is heightened the loss that I have experienced. It is a mix of emotions that I have not experienced before - such joy and true happiness for them - but also a distinct sadness in my heart. But I still know without a doubt that He holds me in His hand. This affliction in this world is momentary and the anticipation of Heaven and praising him perfectly with my perfect baby is sweeter than ever.
We enjoyed our day yesterday going to the Garden of Lights with some friends from Church. Something else for me to focus on and enjoy. I enjoyed seeing things through the eyes of our boys and doing a fun holiday activity with them.
They even had a cookie decorating station. :) The boys had fun.