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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Honesty



just going to be honest right here on my blog - this seems to be a distinctively harder week for me. Richard has worked longer hours than normal (which i guess is a good thing b/c his work has been too slow lately), I have been overwhelmed emotionally with conflicting emotions (happy to be starting new and happy to start our lives in CO helping the church plant, but sad to think about leaving my friends and the comfortable life I have), worries about the future, packing, kids etc.
I read THE PERFECT post tonight here
and I was convicted of my sin! How many times this week have I responded to Carson in frustration over hearing him say the same thing A MILLION times before I even have a chance to respond yes or no? How many times I have been "irritated" at Landon's lack of napping or his crying b/c he's stuck once again under the table and charis? How many nights have I been frustrated that Richard is not home and I have to do the whole dinner/bedtime routine by myself? How many nights have I fought the lack of desire to read to my child so I can just sit? How many times have I voiced to Richard when he gets back from a VERY LONG day at work, that there is so much to do, that I've done all the packing by myself? Instead of showing him love and bearing all things? I'm almost in tears with conviction of my actions and attitudes tonight.

So as i sit here by myself I plan to embrace Richard when he gets home late, when he really needs my embrace b/c he has worked his "butt off" this whole week, and just be still with him and thank him for his hard work. I wish i could turn the clock back and hold my sons a little longer, spend a little longer on the floor reading the same book for the hundredth time instead of getting up to wash the dishes.
God help me to love all things, bear all things! help me to show my family love! Thank you Lord for your grace in my life. Thank you for loving me and saving me despite my sinfulness.

7 comments:

thedulls said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, Jessica. Thanks for your honesty. You are a human with human feelings just like every one else. I will pray specifically this week for you as you deal with so many various emotions and trust that God will give you the strength, patience, stamina and love that you need to press on in a way that brings Him glory! Your heart shows that you want to love your children and husband and please God with your life. Thanks again for an honest and "real" blogpost! We are praying for you as you make the transition to life in CO and as you seek jobs and housing. May God go before you and lead the way.

jeileenbaylor said...

This is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for your honesty. It's such a wonderful reminder!

Michelle said...

Ok, so...

I'm totally BALLING my eyes out with you right now. After reading your post and the holy experience's post. Because I feel your struggle...with the kids and hubby. Man, oh, man, did I need to hear what you had to share. What conviction! What a wretched sinner I am! But what a marvelous God we serve!!!

I love you, girl. Praying for your heart. Sorry life is so hard for you right now. Just know that God is carrying you ;)

Trina Mayfield said...

I wanted to write "like" to what Michelle says!!! Thanks for your honesty, but the fact is, Jess, that we have ALL gone through those times as well. I am so thankful for the Lord's mercy, grace, peace and love for us - even when we fail Him. You are a SUPERB mother and I thank the Lord every day for giving me such a special daughter! WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Mommie Couture said...

This is such a great and empowering post! Really makes you think twice about the way you think and feel throughout the day. The good thing is though, our God is good and He knows we are only human and our emotions sometimes get the best of us. He loves us anyway! :)

Tiff said...

Thank you for sharing. We just recently moved to Florida from Pennsylvania and I felt all those same emotions. It hasn't been easy, but God's strength is amazing! Praying for you as you make this transition!

The Horaks said...

AMEN, SISTAH!!!

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