Tuesday, April 2, 2013
As I post this, I hope you can see a little bit of what God has taught me the last 6 months. You see, because of what I've been through the past 6 months I understand a little bit more the pain and hurt and sadness a post like this can be for some people. My eyes have been opened to people and situations and people's circumstances that I want to write about this rather delicately. I, in no way, am taking this gift from God for granted or lightly. I know more than ever how blessed I am. And I understand a little better the pain that comes when God chooses another path for some people. So I just want people to understand that I don't want to sound boastful or throw it in your face. But . . .
God did choose to give me another child. And for that I am brought to tears with gratefulness. Every day I'm in awe of God's plan for my life - but I also want to make sure I keep his bigger picture for mankind in view and I'm honored to be a tiny sliver of a part of it. I have a lot of happiness about it - but it is a weighted joy this time around. My experience this time is totally different. I battle fear literally all day long. It's almost like I am just expecting this pregnancy to end sometime. I know that fear does not come from the LORD and that he gives us power and a sound mind. But it's really hard not to worry right now. I've made it to 8 weeks which is over 2 weeks longer than I got to keep my last baby, so that is a good feeling. My due date is 11/12/13 which I think is cool.
A little less that two weeks ago, we had quite a scare for about a week long. My hormone levels were low and not rising the "normal" way. We had to wait until 7 weeks before we could know anything for sure in an ultra sound. So I waited a very long week. It was a hard week. I had many people praying for me and God sustained me and gave me hope and peace through that time. And finally, last weds we had an ultra sound done and I saw a perfect little jelly bean. My baby was the exact size it is supposed to be and a good strong heart beat. I was in tears with that news after keeping it in for a week long. So relieved and utterly grateful God chose to bless me in that way. I still get teared up thinking about that day b/c of how impacting it was to me. God has chosen another path for me of new life and I am beyond amazed and thankful.
So please celebrate with us this new life. Rejoice with us. Because we cannot stop praising our God for his good gifts. In the trials and in the good times He has remained faithful.