But i do know some things. This is a fallen world. We have hearts bent toward evil. My heart naturally runs away from God.
BUT GOD - being rich in Mercy, reached down, and sent his Son to pay for our sin, wiped my sins and heart clear, seated me as a child at the right hand of his throne, made me alive! Eph. 2
I know - that everything happens in this world under his control.
I know - that He never stops loving me
I know - that He cares for me, he comforts me
There is no other explanation to be able to endure things that happen.
I actively choose to trust completely in his care and guidance.
I know that his gift to me in this difficulty is a loving, self sacrificing, caring and wonderful husband. A community of believers in our church that love us, and care for us and help us. and family that cares and helps us.
I know that it's only through his comfort I can get through this.
I know and have never doubted the feeling of his love.
This is no easy ordeal to endure - but without the hope of God and his love, comfort, and saving grace - I am nothing and this is for nothing.
I trust completely in HIM and he alone sustains us. There is no other answer for me right now.
Things I've learned:
- I am much more an emotional person than I thought. Emotions rush over me and overtake me often lately. I had to leave church today b/c I was overtaken suddenly by my emotions. Just crying - that's not like me. But my heart aches for my child. I had wanted to be pregnant so desperately for a few months, I wanted to celebrate and tell others and rejoice with new life inside me - but that was ripped from me so unexpectedly and it still really hurts.-I am much more emotionally attached to motherhood than i thought. It is written on my heart to love my children. I didn't understand that strong bent that I had and the love that I have - and it took losing a child to realize that.
-Children are a gift, and only a gift from God. I do not deserve them and he chooses which children I get to have and which ones I give back to him before I get to hold them.
- God is with me through the ups and downs. He understands my heart. He is my father who cares for my soul and my emotions more than anyone else.
-I've learned a whole lot about grief and sorrow. Something I had never experienced before. And I've gained an entire new compassion and care for people. I can relate in a much deeper way - and I'm sure that will affect me the rest of my life
-I am a new person - God is molding me. I can sense his loving hand changing me to be a different, more caring, more loving, more compassionate person. I needed to be broken down so that I can feel things emotionally for others.
-I married a very good man, and didn't even know how good he was, but he has been such a gift to me. Richard loves me and shows me so much love. Which in turn makes me love him all the more. He understands me better than anyone. He has been so kind, patient, understanding and loving with me. And for that I'm so grateful.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may r
est upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9, 10 ESV)
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV)