There was one night I said to Richard, "I think it really would be easier to just give up, let him do whatever he wants all day and not listen to the screaming fits all day long". I really considered that. I felt defeated, like a terrible mother, and at a complete loss of how to handle his sinful nature and direct him towards obedience. I saw so much anger and frustration in my heart and mind that I was completely discouraged. I couldn't overcome the frustration and patience that had run out!
Richard has been so encouraging to me, and praying for both of us about this issue. I have been seeking God for wisdom and strength every day. I know this sounds a little ridiculous but I just didn't know if i had any more patience in me to go through another day.
Now I also realize that Carson has had a crazy few weeks that hasn't helped the situation. He was sick a few weeks ago, then hadn't been napping or sleeping well at nights, then we had visitors, a trip to MN, a weekend away, and going out all the time. We were hardly just at home for more than a day, and his schedule was all messed up. So I know this played a huge part.
Well this weekend and this week so far, I have really concentrated on the sleeping issue and the routine aspect of our lives. And I can see the fruits of it, I think.
This week I have begged God for wisdom, asked my mom for help, asked friends for help, and Richard and I have talked a lot about it!
Today my friends (and even yesterday) i have seen a different young man. Who knows why, but I'm thankful for the break. He has been pretty compliant, and so very pleasant, playing with his toys, sitting with me to read books, etc. I have made a huge effort to spend some quality time with him, to remain calm and patient in what could escalate to a terrible situation with him, and I'm happy to say, today has been a good day. God has graciously given us all the Grace that we needed and a little break from all these fits and disobedience lately.
A friend from the past sent me a little note on Facebook the other day, and she was so encouraging. She also attached a prayer from a book called "the power of a praying parent". I haven't read the book and also don't know much about the author or anything, but this prayer was so encouraging to me. And I will paste it here for all to read!
Lord, I submit myself to You. I realize that parenting a child in the way You would have me to is beyond my human abilities. I know I need You to help me. I want to partner with You and partake of Your gifts of wisdom, discernment, revelation, and guidance. I also need Your strength and patience, along with a generous portion of Your love flowing through me. Teach me how to love the way You love. Where I need to be healed, delivered, changed, matured, or made whole, I invite You to do that in me. Help me to walk in righteousness and integrity before You. Teach me Your ways, enable me to obey You commandments and do only what is pleasing in Your sight. May the beauty of Your Spirit be so evident in me that I will be a godly role model. Give me the communication, teaching and nuturing skills that I must have. Make me the parent You want me to be and teach me how to pray and truly intercede for the life of this child. Lord, You said in Your Word, “Whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive” (Matthew ). In Jesus’ name I ask that You will increase my faith to believe for all the things You’ve put on my heart to pray for concerning this child.
I know that being a parent is such a privilege. God has been burdening my heart with how much a mother's attitude and countenance affects and directs the household, and that is where I was getting so discouraged b/c I felt so inadequate in this area. But I know God gives me grace, he forgives, and gives strength to overcome my sinful flesh - and for that I am humbled and thankful and leaning on Him. Seriously I think I'm learning more about life and godliness than my boys are!