There was one night I said to Richard, "I think it really would be easier to just give up, let him do whatever he wants all day and not listen to the screaming fits all day long". I really considered that. I felt defeated, like a terrible mother, and at a complete loss of how to handle his sinful nature and direct him towards obedience. I saw so much anger and frustration in my heart and mind that I was completely discouraged. I couldn't overcome the frustration and patience that had run out!
Richard has been so encouraging to me, and praying for both of us about this issue. I have been seeking God for wisdom and strength every day. I know this sounds a little ridiculous but I just didn't know if i had any more patience in me to go through another day.
Now I also realize that Carson has had a crazy few weeks that hasn't helped the situation. He was sick a few weeks ago, then hadn't been napping or sleeping well at nights, then we had visitors, a trip to MN, a weekend away, and going out all the time. We were hardly just at home for more than a day, and his schedule was all messed up. So I know this played a huge part.
Well this weekend and this week so far, I have really concentrated on the sleeping issue and the routine aspect of our lives. And I can see the fruits of it, I think.
This week I have begged God for wisdom, asked my mom for help, asked friends for help, and Richard and I have talked a lot about it!
Today my friends (and even yesterday) i have seen a different young man. Who knows why, but I'm thankful for the break. He has been pretty compliant, and so very pleasant, playing with his toys, sitting with me to read books, etc. I have made a huge effort to spend some quality time with him, to remain calm and patient in what could escalate to a terrible situation with him, and I'm happy to say, today has been a good day. God has graciously given us all the Grace that we needed and a little break from all these fits and disobedience lately.
A friend from the past sent me a little note on Facebook the other day, and she was so encouraging. She also attached a prayer from a book called "the power of a praying parent". I haven't read the book and also don't know much about the author or anything, but this prayer was so encouraging to me. And I will paste it here for all to read!
Lord, I submit myself to You. I realize that parenting a child in the way
You would have me to is beyond my human abilities. I know I need You to help me. I want to partner with You and partake of
Your gifts of wisdom, discernment, revelation, and guidance. I also need Your strength and patience, along
with a generous portion of Your love flowing through me. Teach me how to love the way You love. Where I need to be healed, delivered, changed,
matured, or made whole, I invite You to do that in me. Help me to walk in righteousness and
integrity before You. Teach me Your
ways, enable me to obey You commandments and do only what is pleasing in Your
sight. May the beauty of Your Spirit be
so evident in me that I will be a godly role model. Give me the communication, teaching and
nuturing skills that I must have. Make
me the parent You want me to be and teach me how to pray and truly intercede
for the life of this child. Lord, You
said in Your Word, “Whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will
receive” (Matthew 21:22 ). In Jesus’ name I ask that You will increase
my faith to believe for all the things You’ve put on my heart to pray for
concerning this child.
I know that being a parent is such a privilege. God has been burdening my heart with how much a mother's attitude and countenance affects and directs the household, and that is where I was getting so discouraged b/c I felt so inadequate in this area. But I know God gives me grace, he forgives, and gives strength to overcome my sinful flesh - and for that I am humbled and thankful and leaning on Him. Seriously I think I'm learning more about life and godliness than my boys are!
9 comments:
It's amazing how much parenting is a journey and not simply a responsibility. I agree, simply establishing a routine takes away so many opportunities for tantrums, especially when they get their needed sleep! That's when we see the most meltdowns - when they're sleepy. And then there are the days that they are just being sinful. Thank God He made it so there are two of us parents to put our heads together and brainstorm. AND thanks for the reminder to keep praying. Obviously this is so much bigger than I can handle and God didn't intend on me to do it alone anyway!
A very good friend just helped me with dealing with a problem I have been having with Lizzy's stinky attitude. She asked me what I wanted from Lizzy, what my motive was with Lizzy's problem. My motive wasn't to bring glory to God or train up Lizzy to put God 1st in her life, it was for Lizzy to "be content with what she has and to be happy". In my execution of giving Lizzy a task I knew she didn't want to do I also wasn't giving her the tools she needed for the job at hand. For example, I'd say at dinner that she is going to wash dishes (period). When she didn't go in 5 -10 min I'd get upset with her. My friend suggested to prep her. To give her tools she needed to do the job with a good attitude and to give her time to process before she does the job. I know Carson is so little compared to Lizzy, but I can totally understand your frustration with your child and wanting to give in. My friend helped me with my motive which changed my attitude and helped with giving Lizzy tools she may need to do what is expected of her. I was getting more & more frustrated and not giving Lizzy notice for things... seems now like I was setting her and myself up to fail.
My motive too was for her to have a good attitude, but mine wasn't good either b/c of my motive. My friend began with herself saying, not too long ago she was struggling with her child b/c he wasn't potty trained at a certain age. She realized was very embarrassed about her boy and that was her motive,,, it wasn't that she wanted her son to bring glory to God through his self control of peeing on the potty... that was 2nd to being embarrassed. She showed me James 4:1-10. I saw thru her help that most of the problem was my frustration not Lizzy's. I hope I didn't do a hack job of trying to explain.
Thanks, Jess. Such an encouragement to me. I, too, have been struggling lately. And many days I am brought to tears and my heart has been heavy with this blessing/burden of parenting. I plan to write that prayer down.
Also, Jeannette's comment also helped with my perspective.
The Lord is using what you are learning through YOUR struggles to help me with mine.
LOVE you SO much. I will pray for you. And I'm thankful for your friendship...you are a help across the miles!
My heart so resonates with this Jess! Madison is has been testing my limits ever since shed as 18 months! there have been ups and downs, but I will say this - even though the consistency of discipline doesn't seem like it's paying off - it will. EVery day that she gets closer to 3 I feel like she is responding better and having more of a tender heart! Hang in there girl! God can carry you and pour his love through you on those days it's the toughest. We just have to cast our cares upon him!
Wow, Jess!!! THank you! I needed that too, just as much, I think :-)
graham has also had a very difficult year as a 2 yr. old. well, it's been difficult for the parents. :) it's hard when you feel like you teach something again and again and again and again and they don't get it!!! but then by God's grace, you actually see progress....and then they digress....AGH!! :) Hang in there, I'm with you in the battle. I just finished a book study with a few moms - Give Them Grace - by Elyse Fitzpatrick. It was good for my learning!
we also just finished a book in our mom's small group called "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman.. excellent book on practical parenting according to the Bible.
Hang in there.. I'm coming up on the 2s.... I pray for grace and wisdom as well!
You are doing an amazing job and the Lord will reward your faithfulness and your efforts to please Him! Thanks for sharing your heart and just know that I think you're doing GREAT!!!!!
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