Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Beginning of the year thoughts
I feel like I've been in a weird season. I don't think I can describe late pregnancy and early newborn stage effectively. My body and hormones have gone through many changes and are still changing. My sleep patterns have been completely altered and energy level shows it. Basically I've been trying to just "get through" each day. Get as much accomplished as I can, clean and maintain as much as I can but not having very many expectations. Maintain my boy's behavior and try to survive as best I can as far as entertaining them goes. But I haven't really been "present" for them. I've made excuses for myself.
Life is busy! Life is tiring! and Life is stressful! And we are still trying to figure out what all these new changes will look like for our family. We are still trying to get our house organized, figure out our new baby, and figure out responsibilities at church.
But in the midst of all of LIFE - there is the beautiful. The children who have a secret to tell you right this very minute of "I love you!" Full of cuddles and hugs with warm blankets on the couch. The hug from your husband who has worked a stressful day but comes home to help with the kiddos. The first smiles and coos from the baby, watching them learn to roll over. Beautiful is watching your newborn be calmed down in your arms laying against your chest.
So I choose to show up every day. A midst the tiredness and feelings of "I have no idea what I'm doing and if I'm doing enough" I choose to claim God's truth. He loves me unconditionally, he gives me hope, he is making me new and gives me a fresh start. Step out of the "funk" and really be there. Take time with the boys and do activities. Teach Carson as best I know how the skills needed for kindergarten. I need to really slow down and concentrate on the little moments. Be thankful for them. And really trust the God, who created the heavens, to care enough about me, my strength and family that he will carry me through. That he gives me exactly the rest that I need for that day whether it's the amount I want or not, and I can trust Him and rely on Him. Rest in him that already knows what 2014 will look like for me.