But more than ever within the last week I've felt like I have nothing to add to conversations, I've not had that many experiences or traveled to amazing places, or run a thousand races setting records, or gotten some sort of fancy job that is good. A year ago, I would never have dreamed that these insecurities would be here, and now they are. I don't know what to do with them. It's weird! I in no way am saying that I want to change my life, or that I'm not happy, but I feel a little insecure lately when I say I just stay at home with my boys, or that we don't really do much besides parks, and daily normal activities. No gym membership or classes to go to, no toddler whatever class, no amazing trips. Just simple living in a tiny apartment with absolutely no amenities. I feel insecure and it's weird! I don't know what to do or say to people b/c I feel like I have nothing interesting to say about my days.
In talking with Richard about this new feeling that confused me he spoke words of wisdom! First of all - it's a lie that I haven't experienced much - I grew up overseas, I traveled on a soccer team, I have moved a bazillion times, I speak two languages and because of that have had great jobs and interesting jobs, I've just moved across the country with my family and thrived! And besides that - I have a higher calling - I'm content in my life serving my God. Sure, Richard's job is not anything to write home about and really doesn't pay much so we live SUPER simply! But we are growing in seeing how God provides for us! we are happy, we are serving a church and God ultimately. We are striving daily to show others God's love and that completely satisfies us. We are raising children to hopefully one day understand about this God who loved them enough to send his only son to pay for their sins. I get the privilege of showing them that love through my love daily in the mundane! Our lives look boring to some - but we are satisfied and content! WE may not take these huge vacations or even do cool things - but we are a happy family desiring with all our heart to Love God and Love Others in everything we do!
And in this my friends - I find comfort
No matter what other's think of my life
no matter what insecurities I feel
I'm happy serving this Awesome God who
called me to this job - motherhood.
I am blessed beyond measure! I have a great husband who
provides and serves and loves his family, and follows God.
I pray that I will hold onto these truths and speak it to myself
when those insecure or feelings of non-importance try to creep in.
And then to top it all off - I get to see these smiling faces all day long!